this blog is reposted from my other blog site:  bubblesmd2001.blogspot.com:

I’ve been on blog hiatus for quite some time now and at 1 a.m. in the
morning, I decided to blog.  Actually, this is a way for my husband to
think that I’m working. hehe (He can hear the clacking of the
keyboard!).

As we were exiting the clubhouse after Sunday mass,  a black Suzuki
Swift passed by and I pointed it to my husband saying, "that’s a Suzuki
Swift papa!" Yeah right, as if he can’t recognize it after pointing it
to him several times already and true to form, he responded, "Oo nga,
pero ang focus natin ngayon ay debt-servicing!"  I wasn’t actually
asking him to buy it for me (but quite honestly, I was hinting at
it!).  True, we had agreed to focus on debt servicing at the moment.
You see, we have two outstanding loans. Well, if you are going to be
strict about it, we have only one because the other one is still
awaiting approval (which, I wish would be approved right away!) These
loans were brought about by our getting ready for retirement.  We had
discussed early on that we needed as business; so, that when we got
old, we would still have an income we could rely on.  That’s what I
love about my husband, planning ahead!  We then decided that our
additional source of income would be to rent out our house and our
unit.  Our house is actually paid for and we are now reaping our (his,
actually) sacrifices.  We are planning to rent out this unit sometime
next year and continue to rent out our house.  As to where we are going
to stay, that’s still in the process but we do have back up plans.  As
I mentioned earlier, my husband’s a planner through and through.  He
may be a spur of the moment guy but when it comes to finances, he’s a
careful one.  So, as to my wish of owning a Suzuki Swift or a Toyota
Yaris for that matter,  I would have to content myself at staring at
their pictures for the moment and build my confidence driving. And
that’s another story.  Hehe.

It’s easy to be negative nowadays with the constant price hikes in
everything; so, I turned to a previously bought (not read!) book, "The
Power of A Positive Mom" by Karol Ladd for some dose of positivity. Being
a mom is hard and even harder in today’s world.

The
book talks about how being positive (well, the intro and chapter one as
I have only read those so far) has a great impact on how kids usually
turn out to be and how it can make a great difference in human
relations. At the end of each chapter, there is a power point section
divided into read, pray, choose and do. It was meant for group study
between moms and I thought that it this would be a good opportunity to
spread some positivity with moms. I wanted to share these activities to
you as I read through the book, chapter by chapter and be able to apply
it to your own lives. I will be answering these and I hope that you can
try to do the exercises also and give me feedback. And if you’re not
yet a mom or are not able to be given the chance to become one, please
try to modify the activities to your daily life. Being positive is not
only a mom’s domain, you know. For giving birth is not the only way
that we be parents. We can be parents to everyone whose life we touch.

* READ:
Psalm 34. How do these verses help you and strengthen you as a mom?
Underline or copy the significant verses. Choose one to memorize this
week.

The verses helped me understand that I cannot do everything by myself.  I need help and I must not be afraid to seek it.

"Oh, let us magnify the Lord,
together let us glorify his name!
I sought the Lord, and he answered me;
from all my fears he delivered me."

*PRAY:
Wonderful Father, thank You for allowing me to participate in the
glorious occupation of motherhood. Thank You for being the perfect
parent-and the perfect role model! Please help me to remember that my
job is significant and eternally important. Help me to glorify You as I
work, teach, play, change diapers, and make sandwiches each day. Bless
my family with peace and safety as we grow to honor You. In Jesus’ name
I pray, amen.

*CHOOSE:  I will view my role in motherhood as a highly significant investment of my time and energy.

*DO:  On a large index card, write out your job description.  Be creative and include all of your responsibilities.  Here’s mine:

Chief Operating Officer, Human Resources

Monitors
daily activities of clients and reports to CEO. Responsible for the
development, operation, and improvement of clients. Possess knowledge
and understanding of nursing a hurt, cooking clients’ favorite meals,
making clients feel special on their birthdays, getting up for night
feedings or illnesses, settling sibling disputes, search and rescue of
lost toys and/or pets, cheerleading, provides hugs and storytelling at
bedtimes, handholder during vaccinations, and supplier of hugs, smiles,
and words of encouragement to clients.

"And
whatever you do or say, do it in the Name of Jesus, the Lord, giving
thanks to God the Father through him." Employer: God.

Write
out Colossians 3:17 on the lower portion of the card, then place the
card on your bathroom mirror or in a frame near your kitchen sink. Use
it as a constant reminder of your job’s significance-and the name of
your employer.

Stay-tuned for some more dose of positivity!

Yesterday, my husband and I watched the UAAP game of La Salle and
Ateneo.  Actually, we never planned to watch it, it was just a spur of
the moment thing (typically my husband’s approach to life.)  He was
curious as to what the fuss was about whenever these two teams meet
each other; so, with eagerness and him wearing a green shirt, I happily
obliged. Hey, after graduating in 1996 from La Salle, it was another
chance to cheer for my alma mater anyway! If you do the math, then
you’ll know my age.  Hahaha!

As we went looking for seats (tickets sold were already SRO), we were
greeted by an "ocean of blue".  Ooops, wrong side! Hahaha! So, we
entered another part of the coliseum and this time, we were met by a
"sea of green".  We were lucky to grab two free seats and our position
was actually very good.  Seated in front of us were Lasallians who were
very enthusiastic in their support for La Salle.  They even had green
facepaint on and were in the process of painting their bodies with the
letters to form Animo. My husband even observed that I was not watching
the  game but the spectators and reminiscing the past.  Guilty!  It was
such a nice feeling being surrounded by this much school spirit on both
sides of the court.

The game was worth it.  We were not disappointed by the players and
most especially, the crowd.  After all, it all comes down to school
spirit!  I could see that my husband was enjoying himself and enjoying
cheering as well (for Ateneo, that is!)  Haha.  He says that we always
have to be at opposite sides to make it more exciting.  Well, I didn’t
care! I was going to support La Salle, no matter what! Talk about being
a fanatic! Haha!  Unfortunately, La Salle lost.  Boohoo!  Sob! Sob!
There will always be another game.  What was important was that La
Salle gave Ateneo, a run for its money.

As the crowd was surging towards the exits, green and blue mixed; but,
there was no tension in the air.  La Salle was gracious in its defeat.
We even clapped for Ateneo as they finished their alma mater song and
vise versa.  At the end of the day, we are all spectators after all.
My husband said that he enjoyed the game thoroughly and said that I
should watch out for the next game between Ateneo and La Salle and he
would be happy to watch it with me again.  Hmm…do I sense a convert
here?

Anyway, defeat is just a stepping stone to success.  There are more
games to be played and more cheers to be said; but school spirit lives
on!

ANIMO LA SALLE!

Monday, May 5, would have been Jonathan’s first birthday.   The past year should have been the year when he said his first smile, first word, first step; but, instead, it has been a year of dealing with the pain of losing him and dealing with our grief.

People look and deal with death in different ways.  This year has been our journey through these five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).

Just as soon as he was given to us, just as soon, he was taken.  Jonathan only survived for one day; but, that day has been the longest day of my life.  He was perfect the first time I laid eyes on him but soon, his breathing indicated that he was not.  Something was wrong with him and he was taken to another hospital.  I could not immediately be with him because I was not yet in any position to be discharged yet.  My observation time was not yet up; so, I stayed behind. During the night,  I could not sleep.  I was filled with worry. The following questions went through my mind, what’s wrong with my son; what are they doing to him, etc.  Finally, I was allowed to go and be with him.  At the sight of my son in the incubator, he looked healthy; well, healthier than most babies I saw and cared for in the incubator.  It seemed that he did not belong there.  I wanted to hold him and tell him that everything will be okay because mama and papa are here. My son was a fighter.  He hanged on long enough to say goodbye.  They tried to revive him but as soon as 15 minutes passed, I knew that he has joined our creator.  My first concern was for my husband.  It was the first time that I saw him cry in the years that I have known him.  It seemed that he was the most fragile thing in the world at that moment.  But, being the man that my husband was, he took it bravely even though I knew that is was tearing him to pieces as the doctor told us that jonathan did not make it.

And so our journey into dealing with tragedy started.  I have passed through denial, anger, bargaining and I think I am currently midway between depression and acceptance; being nearer acceptance.  Yup, I still feel sad and cry buckets when I see babies inside incubators and thinking why are these babies alive and my son is not.  But, after the waterfall, I have the realization that there is a purpose to his death.  It has changed us and the way we look at life in general.  For me, I have come to look at life as a journey of discovery and there is more to life than making a living.  It is living your life.  It’s not the amount of money you make, the number of cars, the newest cellphone model or the like.  They are just a phase.  What’s more concrete is family and how you face the challenges that life throws at you together being there for one another.  I have learned that some things cannot be changed and we must accept them for what they are.  Don’t sweat the small stuff.  Be grateful for what you have and cherish them when you still have them especially family.  Life is short and we must make the most of what we have. Material things do not matter, what matters is how we treat others for in a blink of an eye, they might be taken away.

This post is a sort of reaction to my husband’s mistah’s blog.  Funny, I should just have posted a comment on her post but I thought, why not post a blog instead since I haven’t done that in a looooong while. So, here’s the product of that thought-provoking blog.

In the blog, my hubby’s mistah was writing about Philippe Starck (you know who you are bok! hehe) and what Mr. Starck said that he was a producer of materiality and how he was ashamed of that. He also said that what one needs most is the "ability to love" and I guess, to be loved. We sometimes get side-tracked by the things we need to do to survive that we sometimes lose sight of the things that really matter and Mr. Starck was right, our ability to love is one of the fundamental things for a human being.  We try to equate this need with the accumulation of wealth and having the best of everything but at the end of the day these things are useless.

I believe that Mr. Starck has become an evolved person with this realization.  I mean, face it, material things are useless.  They don’t love us back.  We may feel that we have the best of everything but inside, we are just empty shells if we have no one to love and  someone to love us in return. 

My husband and I have this philosophy with regards to daily living: "If we eat three times a day, sometimes 5 with snacks, have a little savings and we are together, then, we are all set to embark on this journey called life."  These are just the things we need and if we have more than these, thank you Lord.

It’s been a while since I last updated my blog. Well, access to a computer is one of the reasons why since I have been on an "unexpected vacation" or is it incarceration? hehe. Anyway, my daughter and I went to visit my husband in Tarlac.  It was an "unexpected vacation" because we went there due to an "emergency". I hope my husband would forgive me for announcing his forgetfulness.  Anyway, as I was about to leave the house to bring my daughter to her Thursday session of Kumon, my husband called (which he does rarely during the day) and told me that he left the keys of Diana (our car) inside; so, if I would take pity on him and bring the duplicate there.  Actually, I think that it was a ploy all along to get us to go there and spend the weekend with him. hehe. So, hurriedly packing things up ( which is more of the norm when you’re married to a military man), my daughter and I went to rescue our "hero" from his predicament.  Actually, it was a nice break from all the housework and the day-to-day activities my daughter and I usually have.  We got to spend quality time with my husband and a chance for them to bond together. (hehe, a break from the incessant chattering of hannah).  We got to see him in action during the shootfest and for him to have his picture taken while shooting a gun by yours truly. He actually went alone to the shootfest but being the camera-conscious person that he is (translation: he knows when a camera is around), he went back to our room to ask us to watch him shoot (actually, for me to take pictures of him.  more for bragging rights, haha!). Well, Hannah and I are back to being alone again and back to going to Kumon tomorrow.  We hope that hubby can go home this weekend for us to continue our bonding and me having a break from the usually very, very, very talkative hannah. hahaha.

go figure, I start a blog and my entry gets lost somewhere. oh well, as my husband usually says, "lessons learned".  well, I really just wanted a place to express some, if not all, the thoughts that are in my head as a 3-year-old can only do so much by way of conversation. hehe. don’t get me wrong, it’s fun having a 3-year-old here with me. it makes me wonder how i was at that age. if i was that talkative or that imaginative.  i also get a sense of fulfillment when i see her learn something or do something that we as adults usually take for granted.  it may sound so shallow but, once you get to see the world through a child’s eyes, you get to appreciate life and what being alive means. as i look at my daughter, now sleeping, so peaceful and secure in knowing that i am near, would she feel the same when she hits her teen years? well, only time will tell but as long as i can give her the security she feels, i will give it to her.  being a mom is a job for life.  you get to be responsible for another person and what would become of that person.  it’s the greatest thing you could possibly be and the greatest achievement you will have especially if your child turns out all right.